This isn't a Job!

By: Carol Maxym, Ph.D.

I hear people talking about mothering or fathering—parenting—as a “job” all the time. A

job has a start time and end time. Not so with being a parent. A job pays you. Not so with being a parent. You can retire from a job or look for a new one. Not the way it is for parents. You can get fired from a job—and even if there are times you feel you might like to be fired from being a parent, it just doesn’t work that way. You can get promoted in a job. No promotions in the parent world.

Being a parent isn’t a job. It’s a duty. A sacred duty. Once you become a parent, it lasts your lifetime. That’s part of what makes it so wonderful, so daunting, so joyous, so frightening. And, as you know, no one and nothing can bring you joy or pain like your child.

So why am I saying all this? Because I think in the midst of the day-long, day-to-day routine and all the advice that comes your way, it is easy lose track of the lifelong duty side of being a parent.

When my daughter had her first child and felt a bit overwhelmed with all there was to do (as do most mothers and fathers), I told her that I had learned from experience that one grows into being a mother or father. As the child grows, so do you as the parent. Recently she referenced that conversation to tell me how true was my statement. As a parent you grow and grow and mature, just as your child does.

Part of my goal for this blog is to help you to think, rethink, consider, reconsider, to be thoughtful and questioning while yet wise and decisive. Seldom will I give you specific advice, “Do this” or “Do that.” There’s too much of that out there already, and you and I both know it doesn’t work. Instead I’ll work to try to help you to be a wiser mom or dad.

I hope that most days you’ll spend about five minutes with me, then think about what you’ve read in those few spare moments you have.

A few years ago a client told me about a sermon her pastor had given in which he said to welcome the red lights you wait for in traffic because it is the only time in your day when you really can’t do anything but wait, so you might as well treasure the time, use it to think, to reconsider, to muse. I hope you’ll have and enjoy one red light today.